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Demonic Troubles

I knew that I was about to do something inappropriate. But dropping my cellphone into the holy water was the only way to get rid of the demon dwelling inside of the phone. I did it yesterday just before the service. I waited until no one watched, and just when I was about to do it, the phone started to ring and vibrate. Everyone in the church turned to watch me. I should have known this would happen! The caller was no doubt the demon, realizing it was about to get banished. This was its last trick: it tried to stop me from dropping the phone by making everyone see what I was doing.

But without a second thought, I did it anyway. Under the gaze of everyone, I dropped my phone into to the bowl of holy water, pretending (poorly) that I did it by accident. When I was watching the screen shattering, I knew that I had done the right thing, but at the same time, I was filled with shame and remorse. I felt like everyone was looking at me with contempt. I decided to leave the church immediately, even though it meant that I’d miss the service. I left the phone in the water and rushed out.

I spent the rest of the Sunday by praying for protection and forgiveness and reading the Bible. As always, it gave me the comfort I needed.

And today my prayers were answered! I finally got replies to the ad I published in newspapers some weeks ago – the one, in which I was calling for an exorcist. Actually, I got more replies than I ever imagined: seven, no less! I am sure that God had seen my troubles and had spoken to them to answer my pleads. All the replies were quite cryptic, obviously because they understood the delicate matter of the situation and used metaphoric language in case that the letter would end up in wrong hands. All of them were really enthusiastic and courteous, some of them even wrote they loved elderly women. That is a sign of a real gentleman, of course, but perhaps it was their way to point out that they loved to help an elderly woman in trouble. Couple of them wrote somewhat oddly that they would love to do sinful things with me. They probably simply meant that they were very eager to banish the demon. One of them seemed to be full of holy rage against demons, he told he had a mighty staff with which he was more than happy to pound my hellhole.

As happy as I am about all the responses, I need only one exorcist – seven is too much. Now I must decide, which one of them would be the right one for this particular situation.


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